Are you tired of your modest Barbie? Never lying around the house naked or wearing provocative, cheaply made clothing? Make her a skimpy string bikini — the kids will love it! Maybe she can even earn some extra cash. And if your young children aren’t already insecure about living up to Barbie’s ludicrous standard of beauty, they can still look forward to feelings of inadequacy in their teenage years! Hurray!
-heavy duty staple gun
Step 1: Staple string to Barbie’s back, using 100 or more staples. Careful, she’s a slippery gal!
Step 2: Take methamphetamines and watch HGTV.